ArizonaButterfly

It was an unpleasant end to a rather unpleasant week at work today. Sometimes I wonder about my career and life choices, especially on days like today where I feel unduly dumped on and blamed for decisions and actions beyond my control. It’s moments like that that I have to remind myself that I can only do what I can do and if people are disappointed in that, then there’s not too much I can do about that either.

There are changes coming, and I suspect that is why things are unsettled. One of the front office staff is leaving soon, and has quit pretending she has any type of professional ethics. Her actions, of course, have a direct impact on the rest of the office. Even though there’s nothing that any of us can do about the situation at the moment, it becomes tedious and frustrating.

Being at work very late two days in a row made today especially tiring for me, and while only the administrators stayed late in the office, everyone else seemed tired as well. My first instinct this morning was to take the day off and just go to my lunch meeting, but instead I went in to work. By mid-day I wished I hadn’t. Between people dumping on me (because I apparently am an easy target) and dealing with the various issues that came up, I left work feeling rather deflated and upset.

In the back of my mind through all of this is the reminder of what time of year this is, and as always, I feel a sense of profound loss as I remember my Mom. Not a day goes by that I do not miss her, but that sense of missing her is heightened these days. She was a remarkable and resplendent woman. She showed great courage, compassion, and love in her words and her actions throughout her life. She lost much as a young child when her mother died when she was four. My grandfather, who died 16 years ago this past February 1, gave her a sense of self-confidence and adventure that she was able to move half-way across the country to join the Navy as a young woman. She graduated from college at a time when it was not all that common for women to do so. She dedicated her life to serving and helping others as a registered nurse. I wish I could recall how many babies she helped deliver during her 40 year career. Asbestos exposure during her naval career ruined her lungs, and greatly diminished her quality of life, but she never gave up hope, and she never quit caring for the people around her.

As grateful as I am for the time I had with her, even though I will always feel it was too short, the world is a less beautiful place without her in it.